Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Now I can let these dream killers kill my self esteem..

or use my arrogance as steam to power my dreams...

You ever just watch something on TV and it just hits a little too close to home?

That's how I felt about the Modern Family Episode: Three Dinners.

There's this scene between Phil and Claire, where they believe that Haley isn't doing anything in her life and that she's going nowhere. So they take Haley out to dinner to give her "the talk" and the tables turn. Throughout all the seasons, Haley isn't shown the most positive light. Don't get me wrong she's a fabulous character but on the surface each season is always setting her up to fail. She's either getting in trouble, or getting out of trouble, just not really doing much of anything. It wasn't until that episode and that precise scene that you see Haley for who she is. She's doing something. She's going somewhere. Just because she's not as vocal as everyone else, doesn't mean she's sitting on her ass doing nothing.

That's exactly how I feel.

It honestly makes me wonder how many of my friends and family think the same about me.

Sure they've heard me talk about my dreams. Seen my pathetic attempts of "working", but honestly what do they really think about what I'm doing in my life? Job after Job, I know to the general public it looks unsteady. I know that it looks like I'm not making an effort. The thing is these jobs that you see me in, don't make or break me. They come and they go, and I'm okay with that.

Why is it okay you ask? These jobs are not my career. They are not in the field I plan on being in for the rest of my life. They're stepping stones to pay the bills and get me to where I need to be.

I know I shouldn't care and it shouldn't bother me, but it makes me think about the past. Makes me wonder how many times people have thought that I wasn't going anywhere and what exactly am I doing in my life. With that it makes me think that honestly just because I am not vocal about what I'm doing, doesn't mean I'm sitting on my ass doesn't nothing. Just because I don't post my ideas or my dreams, doesn't mean I'm not going anywhere. I don't need to tell you I'm going somewhere, I have to show you I'm fucking doing it.

I could dwell on this. I could get angry and cuss people out. I could. I really could.

But I won't.

Just means when shit starts popping off. You're going to wonder what exactly you were doing in the time it took me to make something of myself. And I will sit back and laugh and tell you: while you were crying and complaining about your meaningless bullshit, I was fucking hustling.

And that's it.

The hustle is on overdrive bitches.

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