Friday, November 9, 2012


*I'll be posting quite a few times today, since I haven't posted in weeks. BE PREPARED! You have been warned*

Don't you hate the moment you completely forget about a person, someone has to remind you of their existence. It's not that you would wish anything bad upon a person it's just they have been the furthest from your mind and you'd like to keep it that way. Imagine my surprise when my Nina mentioned something out of the blue about "boyfriend".

Okay back story.

I met "boyfriend" on a camping trip with my Nina's family. To put it in technical terms he is actually my Nina's husbands cousin. Lets just get this straight I was in no shape or form attracted to this guy. I didn't even give this guy much thought, but since I had a banter with him people assumed differently. Thus the nickname "boyfriend" was coined for him. Boyfriend was an asshole. Simple as that. I didn't say no more than 11 words to this guy but everyone would keep making jokes about our "relationship". I played along. It's what I do. I am not sure if people thought because I am alone that I am lonely (which I am not) but my Nina made some sort of attempt at a love connection disguising it as helping Boyfriend with project.

I am clueless to the male species. Ryan Gosling himself could tell me that he loved me and I would do nothing but laugh. It's not insecurity or anything it's just comical to me. Maybe it's just knowing who I am and it's hard for me to think that people can see past all my bullshit and find anything I do remotely cute or attractive. Hey that's just my own weirdness. I get that. So the whole boyfriend thing was just humorous to me. I knew what my Nina and Boyfriend were doing. If anything from the whole experience I just wanted a guy friend.


Friend and nothing more.

I knew boyfriend liked me. So in some cases I was humoring the fact of trying to like him. That's what everyone I know does. They learn to like someone, get into a relationship and then fall in love. That's what is suppose to happen right? I was dead wrong. He was a fucked up person. I never saw him face to face, we never talked on the phone all we ever did was text each other. If I am not seeing you in the flesh then why on earth would I want to date you?  No matter how many times I initiated a hang out he was always "busy". The whole point of him talking to me was to work on a project which never existed. Some where in his warped mind he was convinced we were dating. Instead of initiating time to actually hang out he formulated in his mind that what we were doing was a relationship. Of course no matter how many times I told him we were friends that all I was looking for was friendship he was convinced otherwise. I am not sure whats worse. Humoring the situation or just toying with the idea.

I didn't want to date him. I gave him no indications that we were. All I did was talk to him in the way I talk to all my friends. Since everything was through text messages he must have saw something that I didn't see. Which lead him to be completely bipolar and shallow at times. Then came the worse stuff the derogatory terms he'd call me thinking it would win a way into my heart. I am not sure if it's just society to begin with but every single guy I have ever been friendly with thinks that talking dirty to me is cute. Honestly it's makes me uncomfortable, I think its disgusting and I am not dating you why would I talk to in that sort of way?

Something happened which even to this day I can't even remember what happened but Boyfriend was insulted by something I said and proceeded to call me names then he "broke up" with me. Mind you. I have never seen him face to face. I couldn't even tell you what the sound of his voice sounds like. I couldn't even tell you what he looks like. So him breaking up with me and then asking me for all the numbers of my single friends, I wasn't in any means heartbroken. I thought it was hilarious. A week later when he tried contacting me I ignored him. I told my Nina what happened and how fucking crazy he was and she said she was sorry she tried to set us up. For a couple months I didn't hear anything about him. I knew he started dating some other girl but no one really mentioned anything about him in my direction and even when I'd see his mom I'd still make jokes about us being together.

Honestly that whole situation was a complete waste of my time. Bullshit even. Just thinking if I had been some desperate girl what would my life be at this moment. I was bothered at the fact that I bought into it in a way. I really wanted to believe that maybe being with someone wouldn't be so bad. All my other friends are in relationships maybe I can learn to like this guy. I just get so used to the same type of person. The jokes, the banter, the overall narcissism and for a moment he almost became somebody I could actually like. Reality hits and I realize that he isn't and will never be who I want. At the end of the day my heart knows what I want more than anything. I will not settle for anything less than seeing sparks.

Imagine my surprise to hear about his life and just how things are going with him. It took me a moment to realize who my Nina was talking about. All I could feel was a sense of relief all of which I concluded with my signature eye roll. All of that would have been me. I would have to be dealing with his bullshit. Dealing with his drama and the only thing I could honestly think of was, I dodged a bullet. Who knows maybe deep down he is a good guy. Maybe people can change. Or maybe just maybe people finally get what they deserve.

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