Monday, August 6, 2012

I can dish it out, AND I can take it.

Kanye West said it best in "Gifted"...I'm known for running my mouth I will not be accountable for what comes out. It's true. I am known for exercising every muscle in my mouth (that's what she said) more or so when I have been wronged in anyway but lately it's just making jokes that on average no one understands. I guess you can say I am fairly different in my humor than most people. I don't normally take a person's feelings to account until I have said something really obscene and people just get overly offended. I don't know how I see it, this whole society is one huge therapy case. No one has a sense of humor anymore. And sure it's not funny to make fun of certain situations but what are you suppose to do? Be sad, cry, and drink large consumptions of alcohol about it? Yeah it's called "suck it up" and move on.

Lets rewind a bit. Get to where I am today in my emotional verbiage. When you spend a majority of your life with people telling you to be kind to other peoples feelings and hold your tongue in better judgement you realize that not all people carry the same consideration that you do. Of course there's a time and a place for saying what you need to say in a civilized manner sadly not everyone feels the same. I spent a great deal of time with people stating how they truly felt about me and all I could do was let them vent out their frustration about how they felt. Its not that I felt what they were saying was true it's just whats the point of getting angry when no one in this world is perfect. So I held my tongue, got upset internally then moved on. Okay not really moved on because I was still very much upset about what was set but how was that going to change people's opinions about me? I said nothing, I stayed quiet. Needless to say it never felt good and I hated every moment of it. It doesn't feel good when people say what they need to say with out a care in the world and continue on their life as if nothing has happened. Then one day you reach that point where enough is enough and out comes the word vomit of how you really feel.

It's not in my nature to be down right mean to someone. I know I can be. I have said and done some pretty scandalous things in my time but to down right hurt someone intentionally I can never do. Mainly because I know what it feels like to feel the lowest of the low. I know how bad words can cut into your soul and stay there like a never healing wound. Yet you reach a point in your life where you can't take someones emotional wording anymore. The moment that you stand up for yourself and say how you truly feel. Not cutting someone down, not throwing bullshit garbage at someone but standing up for how you feel, you feel better. To win an argument isn't to belittle someones weakness but to stand up for yourself. If they can't take the same emotional garbage that they in turn throw at you then they should never dish out anything to begin with. All of that takes me to where I am at today. How much of what we say truly effects peoples emotion? Why do people resort to saying hurtful vile things when they are angry and can't tolerate the same feelings back at them?

Recently a person that I am sometimes in contact with was offended by words that I had said. All of it was in a joking manner I didn't mean any reality towards any of it and just one simple line and this person was done. I just have a hard time understanding this person who at one point called me every name in the book, belittled my emotional being and made fun of my appearance in what they state as a joking manner couldn't take one joke that had nothing to do with anything. It makes me wonder how some people think they can get away with saying the things they say. How they in turn can have their friends say things worse than I could ever say and can't take a simple joke. I know my humor is pretty dark and sarcastic. I know my boundaries with people but don't go and telling me things that are in a "joking" manner and can't bother to take the same jokes. So you can dish it out but can't take it. It just makes you wonder where people get off. I haven't done anything different from the average person but yet I get penalized for being myself. Am I suppose to always censor myself for certain people?

Here's how I see it. Love me or leave me alone. If you can't take what I have to say...FINE, but don't turn around and try to be funny with me and not take what I have to say. Don't go around stating how you can take what people have to say and have me censor everything I say. In the words of Kanye West "LET ME BE GREAT" That's just not right. I guess I'll never truly understand how people are.

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