Saturday, August 18, 2012

Grow with love.

There have been just about every variation about moving on I can think of. From letting by gones be by gones, to moving forward and recently growing with love. While I find all of those absolutely touching, they are just about the biggest piece of shit excuse I have ever heard. Mainly because I am American, I am stubborn, and because of my dual citizenship that makes me a severely bitter hateful person at times. Grow with love? What kind of hippie saying is that?

While I do believe there is a time for everything some times just come up better than others. How can we mend a broken relationship with a person when everything just gets swept under a rug? I speak candidly about this because I feel as if I am in a weird place. That place between getting over what troubles me and just lashing out every obscenity I can think of to heal my heart. While I don't think it's fair that most people get a "get out of jail" card sometimes I just want for the sake of sanity to have things go back to the way they used to be. I have lost out on so much time that I will never get back with my stubbornness and now I am afraid that too late is just too late.

There's a laundry list of issues I have at hand. This person choose sides. This person choose friends over family on numerous occasions. This person has always had everything handed to him. Here I sit thinking I was your number one supporter, I rooted for you when no one else would, I helped you out on more than one occasion and all this silence is the thank you I got? They didn't even try to help mend this relationship. Time again it's I that has to fix everything. While we have similarities in our struggles I am the one that's strong enough to not ask for anything and you sit with your hands asking for countless hand outs. I just don't think it's fair sometimes. Maybe it's a culture thing, maybe it's being raised completely different. Its just hard to not feel the way I do about a lot of things.

Eventually through time we find strength through our struggles. I know time does eventually heal all wounds and while I will not always get the apology or the recognition I deserve I will find some aspect of peace in all of this.

Well if none of that hippie bullshit works I can always just go to Valencia street and find a nice Santeria store to help me with all my issues.

Either way. I win.

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