Obviously I tend to harbor a lot of resentment over a lot of emotional bullshit. I am who I am. I can't change that. I can grow from my bullshit emotions but as much as I over come my emotions I can't forget everything that's happen. I used to believe that the word Loyalty meant something to people. The only thing that words means is how much choosing a side is going to benefit you in the future. Hey I understand everyone is on their own hustle. Everyone has to make a living. You have to do you in every aspect and hopefully it all works out. When it doesn't work out, what exactly are you going to do?
I speak from truth and I speak from a place way in the bottom of my heart. You know that dark hidden place that the little gremlins stay. Some call it hate I call it a better understanding of the human race. Not every one has the same mentality as myself or the friends I surround myself with. Just sometimes I wish there was a handbook you could give people to stop being completely stupid. How much can you emphasis to people that what they are doing is wrong? How much air do you have to waste for people to fully understand where you are coming from? It's to the point that I am done being nice. I am done just trying to understand people. Truth is I don't like many people. I don't. It goes far beyond things that have happened to my life personally. It's hard for me to see good people continue getting dicked around by terribly vile people. It's hard for me to continue seeing people not fully understanding where you're coming from. People will never put themselves in your shoes until the same has happened to them. It's only then that they come around expecting forgiveness and everything to go back to the way it was before. I can't let the past dictate my future but I can allow it to push me through the obstacles I am facing at the moment. While I don't see forgiveness in the cards for some people I do see a lot of "well now you see where I am coming from".
How long does it take for Karma to come through? I know karma doesn't come back in the way that it should but sometimes I wish people to feel completely hurt. Maybe its the pain in their misery that will make me feel better. I just want to see people suffer for the wrong they have caused. Its wrong to say that but its that moment where I can say "I told you so" that will make me feel better. I don't care where you're coming from, I could give a shit about your struggles. I just want people to know how bad it hurts inside sometimes. Eventually it will happen.
If it doesn't happen eventually the universe tends to unfold itself as it should. Just don't expect me to be forgiving and understanding when your whole world falls apart. Please believe I will laughing on the end of your unhappiness.