Monday, July 23, 2012

Regroup, rebirth, regrowth.

I guess you can constitute this as Day 1 of my unemployment. Its no different from being on vacation aside from the realization that I am not returning to work in a day or week from now. Maddening. I know this is what I want, what I needed but just how completely rushed it was for me to get out of there just completely maddening. Not that I am having doubts its just now this is officially my time to find the change that I needed into my life.

Obviously before I do any of that such life changing alternations. I am giving myself a whole week to myself to get completely organized, burn some sage, and just get all this bullshit out of my system. Starting with my room.

My room is a disaster. Mountains of magazines I've bought and haven't yet read, movies, TV shows still completely congested on my dvr and just this huge wave of knowing that all of this has been in a stand still for two years. All these past years just forming dust on top of crowded space. I don't even know where to begin. While I have every aspect of inspiration, I just can't find the one place to start.

I started with my bed. Pulled off every sheet, comforter, until I was left with just some empty bare mattress. Placed everything to be washed and just sat and stared for a while. I've spent two years completely exhausted by bullshit confined to this bed where do I go from here? Where has the past two years left me to such completely bullshit. While all my bed coverings are still in the wash I just find stacks and stack of the year that just past of paperwork, letters, bullshit basically.

I don't know. No one said getting what you want is easy. Just that follow through to get there is just completely crazy. My bed, all these past months / years of life and now starting completely new as if the last two years didn't happen.

Moving on, moving forward.

Music has always been my escape. Just the sincerest melody of complete honesty. All I want to do is sit on the floor with a pen and notebook listening to old school records through rather large headphones. Disappear from the world and come back completely renewed. Write out everything I feel completely in my soul. Until then I just really need to organise this room.

Completely wipe out and clean out everything I see not fit with my new beginning. Old photographs, old papers, old bullshit things I know I will never return to. Its weird to see how much we as people change in such a tiny frame of space. Yet that's life.

Here's to bigger and better things.

"Everything in it's right place"

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