I've been spending way too much of my free time this week analyzing and dissecting dialogue from films, songs, and real life that it's clouding my dreams working it's way into my reality. I just feel this huge urge to be any where but my current settings. I do have all this time to do what I need to be doing. I do have nothing but whats set in front of me to actually take the time and believe in myself again. Sometimes it's frightening to actually say out loud how you really feel. Formulating words is much easier then saying you're scared about what happens next. I could fall face first into a complete pile of rubbish or I can just enjoy the ride. Well honestly I just want to be successful just like the next person. I know everything is going to be a huge struggle from here on out but it's what is meant to happen.
It's weird how differently things changed this year. People, places, things. It's crazy to think that this time last year I was miserable and now I am just in route to a completely new beginnings. While I do miss some aspects of the past, more or so importantly just one person. I can't change what happened, I can't change how I feel about the situation but I can be honest and say that I do miss this person whole heartily. Things happen, people change and more importantly I can only just be honest and say that while time will pass I will not be bitter and think of only the great times we shared together. I do hope that they are doing better for themselves but I am sad to say that I can no longer partake in that life anymore. The universe has a different plan for both of us and if our paths meet again then I can only reassure a good deal of happiness from the bottom of my heart.
With that above stated I can't keep living in the regrets and mistakes that memories have placed me. I am not perfect but I am in a different stage in my life that I thank everything for placing me in. There are days I just feel so completely older than I can take at times but that's life. I can't wait to see what the next series of steps take me. Bigger, brighter and better things I know but that whole start from here to there is going to be a long one.
Lord help me.