What the water gave me.
A spiritual advisor had once told me that my life was ruled by water. It's a soothing thought. My life ruled by one of the purest forms of self cleansing. It's just one of those things that deep down I've always known inside. From the moment I was born to the day my brother woke up after the accident, water has always been a huge impact of my life. Whether it'd be a good thing or a bad thing, there's just that reassurance that after the rain falls and takes away the disgust of the world a new day is upon us.
The rain is the one thing in life that no matter how bad it gets all I do is listen to the rain and feel the sorrows wash over me and disappear. Drop by drop, it washes away the tears, the pain, all the discontent in my heart. This sense that everything can just disappear with a cleansing of the soul and a complete wash of all the elements that make us unhappy. It's a soothing thought, that as soon as the water hits your skin you're a new clean person. No amount of darkness can hurt you once you've cleansed yourself. No amount of pain can follow you.
There was never that fear of drowning. Instead of drowning, you find yourself sinking to the bottom of the abyss. The floating and observing. There isn't a fear, just a sense of reassurance that something amazing is going to be seen in the depths of the ocean. Our bodies slowing sinking like a stone in the sea.
It's a beautiful thought. Just the thought that everything that I haven't a feeling about just washes away and dwindles down into the drain. A tunnel disappearing into an ocean with the rest of the lost souls. Maybe at the end when everything is done I can look back into those memories and realize that those moment made me who I am. Made me into this strong person I see before myself.
Until then just watching everything slowly disappear in to a distant memory is all that I need.