We all want forgiveness. This undying need to forgive but a majority of us don't have the plans to follow through. To many people just saying a simple "I'm Sorry" saves you from anything. From heartbreak to mistakes, from even the common the cold but the truth of the matter is what happens after the "I'm sorry"?
I spent close to 4 years wanting an apology from certain people in my life. For feelings, for treatment and most of all just wanting to be able to forgive so that I may move on. How does one go about that? How can you truly forgive if you never have a full apology. I have heard countless times "I'm sorry" or my personal favorite "I never meant to hurt you" after all is said and done....nothing. Absolutely nothing. Am I the fool reading too much into this?
We're a lazy society. Meals in minutes, to drive thru nation even simple "I'm sorry" are prone to just a simple click away but truth of the matter is; sorry's are not something you can just whip up in 30 minutes. Feelings are always put into question and no matter how much you think an apology saves everything it really doesn't. We spend our lives wanting forgiveness and when we do its the follow through we thrive on. When nothing happens after forgiveness should we still be angry? It's hard for me to wrap my head around such notions but after hearing countless times "I'm sorry" at this point in my life those two words become just that, words.
I need actions. I need follow through. I need people that actually want to be there instead of just be there when it's convenient for themselves. They say how they'll never do it again but then all we see are reruns and repeat offenders. How can I truly move on when the same actions manage to happen again? It's hard to just open up to someone in general; then when you're hurt that's all you think about. The pain they have caused you and no matter how many times a person tells you they are "sorry" they continue to do the same thing until you've become numb to the notion of the word. I want to believe people are sorry but I also want to believe people are working toward rebuilding any sort of relationship with you. I don't want to believe all is lost after "I'm sorry", I want to believe people actually care instead of saying that they care.
After everything all I ever want is for someone to mean what they say. If you say sorry mean it don't make it seem like words to me because I've heard it all before. Don't treat me like I'm some sort of doormat. If you want my forgiveness you've always had it but if you really mean everything you say...show me.
I need actions, I don't need words.