Tuesday, August 30, 2011

If you only knew...

Lately I've been feeling really disconnected from reality. It's as if dreaming is far more entertaining then real life. I wonder if all this exhaustion is just another way to sleep away the pain I feel. I embrace every emotion as it comes to me even though in the back of my mind I'm stronger than that. This darkness comes over me, this huge blanketed cloud and it makes me wonder if I ever really enjoyed the light. The cold drafts, the icy stares, every emotion that cuts like a knife and makes me feel something then this warmth of nothing.

I enjoy it so much because it's who I am. It's the only thing I am completely sure of that makes me feel something instead of this nothing. I would rather feel pain, saddness, and despair than feel numb to the world. I know there's a time for sadness, there's a time for laughter but at my current state it's my time to dream.

I wish I could have better sleeping patterns then this stupidity of insomina.

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